A follow-up to the first in a series of co-authored blog posts covers the perspectives of a divorced father of two children and a divorced mother of two children. The first article covered the wide range of information about child support. The 2nd installment will tie-in our respective positions regarding child custody after a divorce. Please read and contribute your own perspectives. An excerpt:
Rather than start with a divorced father’s perspective on child custody, I will begin by donning my “childhood cap” and offer a perspective that few often honestly do in the midst of a contested child custody case – the perspective of the child. I do so given the five criteria that opened my point-of-view:
1. I love both of my parents with all of my heart and soul. They are my leaders, my guides, my caregivers. I love them both. I need them both. I want them both.
2. My comfortable, safe world of an intact family has forever been shattered by my parent’s divorce. I’m afraid. I’m uncertain as to what is going to happen next. I know I won’t see them both as much as I once did forever. I wonder if this is somehow my fault.
3. Both of my parents take care of me and our entire family in sometimes the same way and in sometimes different ways. Neither is more important or better for me than the other. Without both of their hard work and effort, whether working or not, my life would not be as complete.
4. I know that they are both my primary caregivers. When dad goes off to work to make money, fixes things around the house, mows the lawn, shovels the snow, reads me books, helps me with homework, tousles my hair and kisses me on the forehead at bedtime – he is doing so as a primary caregiver. When mom stays home, makes my meals, washes my clothes, sees me off to the school bus, gives me a bath, cleans the house, helps me with homework, arranges my play dates with friends – she is doing so as my primary caregiver. And if their roles were reversed or their roles were the same – they would both be doing it as my loving parents and my primary caregivers.
5. I have no idea why they are fighting over who should have me. I love them both so very much and I am confused as to why one wants me more than the other. They’ve never done anything wrong for me. I know things will be different, why won’t they just stop fighting over us and figure out how we can see both of them as much as possible?
This is just a small sample of what everyone might imagine is rolling through a child’s head, assuming that they can get over what is an intense fear for their future in the midst of a divorce and broken family.
To read the entire segment and contribute your own thoughts, please click here: Post-Divorce Points of View, Child Custody