Dr. Phil’s and Society’s Continued Silence on Domestic Violence
I have a problem with Dr. Phil. Truth be told, I very often have a problem with how Dr. Phil presents certain subjects. Today, it’s time to speak out. It’s less about the reality that he isn’t a doctor (he only plays one on television) and so much more about him clearly being a tool of radical feminist agendas. His apparent anti-male, anti-father agenda is something that he often rolls out to his audience (both in studio and television viewers) who are overwhelmingly female. I’ve seen it countless times before, most recently on an episode entitled Crisis in Family Court. He abandons anything even remotely resembling reason and uses only the most extreme (if not flat-out false) situations and passes them off as regular occurrences.
Of course, I do realize that this is often a staple of today’s mainstream media and most especially that of mindless daytime television talk shows. His approach is no different with his series on domestic violence, where he continues to propagate the same tired old myths of the Domestic Violence Industry. This is an industry created and cultivated by radical feminists with their hand in the proverbial till of government waste and the power that comes with convincing the masses that all victims are women and all abusers are men while ignoring the fact that mothers abuse children at twice the rate of fathers, and start 50% of physical altercations with intimate partners. Just turn your TV station to Snapped or the recent episode of TeenMom where one of the teenage mothers physically abused her boyfriend.
I won’t sit idly by and let this one go unchallenged. Domestic violence is a serious matter that affects BOTH genders, children and adults alike. However, you wouldn’t know that by anything that you’ll see in the mainstream media, and I’m doubting highly you’ll ever see it on a Dr. Phil program.
Having visited the website in advance of his 2nd installment of his false and misleading domestic violence messages, we’re greeted with the following:
“Every 15 seconds a woman in America is being abused,” Dr. Phil says. “One out of four women will fall victim to domestic violence at some point in their life, and this is a season-long call for action. There is silence about this. This is something that isn’t talked about. It’s probably one of the most under-reported things going on in America today. I’m going to attack this on multiple fronts, so I am organizing a task force with congressmen and women in the legislature.”
This is an unmitigated load of bunk. There is a silence about domestic violence? There is a silence about domestic violence “against women?” I know Dr. Phil doesn’t live under a rock, but nothing could be further from the truth. Domestic violence (oftentimes couched in a nice, neat “only women are victims of domestic violence” wrapper) is in our faces daily. As for his “15 seconds” assertion, that is extremely misleading and absolutely not a factually supported claim. The FBI, at one time, did put forth an estimate that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds. However, the statement as used by feminist activists like Dr. Phil simply isn’t fact. Aside from the reality that the FBI doesn’t calculate, compile, or otherwise track data on domestic violence – at the time that they made such a claim, the FBI used data from the book – Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family by Murray Straus, Richard J. Gelles, and Suzanne K. Steinmetz. At best, we can call this claim a “half-truth.” Why? Well, this very same book indicates that men and women are equally likely to be violent in relationships. The same data which allows one to make the the claim that “a woman is beaten every 15 seconds” also supports the contention that “a man is beaten every 15 seconds.” Like many radical feminist activists before Dr. Phil, this statement is used as a call for action in protecting women (and women only) and not men. This, despite the reality that over 100 current empirical studies have repeatedly shown that women are at least as likely, if not moreso, to initiate domestic violence against an intimate partner as men. Further, male victims of domestic violence at the hands of women currently account for more than one-third of all reported domestic violence injuries requiring treatment. Imagine the numbers of unreported male victims.
These realities are glaringly absent from Dr. Phil’s website and will undoubtedly remain absent from the show’s content if, in Dr. Phil’s own words…
Past actions are a good indicator of future behavior.
If that wasn’t enough to demonstrate how deliberately obtuse Dr. Phil is on the subject of Domestic Violence, let’s move on to “Dr. Phils Domestic Violence Pledge” and analyze each one to more clearly demonstrate how biased he is on the subject and how he uses the power afforded him by his television show to continue to rain down upon the unsuspecting public such misinformation.
1 – Be violence free and never commit, condone or stay silent about an act of violence.
We’re okay with this one except that, in the context of his show, the message is still about men as perpetrators only and women as victims only. Dr. Phil has been silent about violence against men himself, so maybe he should take his own advice.
2 – Report all known and suspected incidents of domestic violence to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is an anti-male, support for “women-only” organization. Don’t believe me? Call as a male and beg for help. Look at their website – where the pictures are of women, the stories are about women, and where they promote the support of what I consider perhaps one of the most unconstitutional, anti-male pieces of legislation – The Violence Against Women’s Act.
Instead, we strongly recommend that if you are a male or female victim of domestic violence, you contact the Domestic Abuse Help Line for Men and Women – their phone number is 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754). They are truly an organization there to help you regardless of your gender and without the judgment you’ll surprisingly find with other “women-only” organizations and we’ve previously interviewed their Executive Director – Jan Brown on this very topic.
3 – Educate myself as well as my friends, family and children about healthy relationships
We’re okay with this one, but would prefer to add that you should educate all of those people to understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by men and women alike. Victims of domestic violence are men and women alike. And that neither gender should be treated with any more help, favor, and/or resources than another because domestic violence does not discriminate – not that you would truly understand that from Dr. Phil’s efforts, the response of law enforcement or the custody laws enforced in family court.
4 – Print and sign this letter drafted by Congresswoman Gwen Moore and send to your Representative
DO NOT DO THIS! We have drafted one of our own for everyone to send to their representatives. Ours will dare to oppose the reauthorization of the Family Violence Prevention Services Act and require that legislators do not support it without dramatic changes which make funds and resources available to all. We cannot go back to the discriminatory practices of the previous iteration of that Act. See it here: OPPOSE the Reauthorization of Family Violence Prevention Services Act HR 4116
Do not use the one that is offered on Dr. Phil’s website. Gwen Moore’s letter is another anti-male piece of trash that is promoting discriminatory laws by our federal government. This is not someone you want representing your commonwealth because her letter so clearly indicates where her priorities are – women only. That would leave half of her constituents and an entire gender of domestic violence victims without help and unrepresented by her efforts regarding domestic violence. She specifically promotes shelters that take in women and children only – leaving male victims of domestic violence and their children left to fend for themselves. This is disgraceful and yet – so common an approach by our legislators when it comes to the billions-of-dollars Domestic Violence Industry.
5 – Call 911 if I witness domestic violence occurring
Be sure to call regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim. Of course, mandatory arrest laws usually mean that a man will end up being arrested, but if more people took domestic violence against men as seriously as they do when it’s perpetrated against women, maybe the societal beliefs regarding DV would be a lot more realistic and knowledgeable than they currently are. Think your local law enforcement officers are trained to recognize when females commit domestic violence? Take a look at this Vermont Protocol for Interviewing Children by police during a domestic violence call, where they conveniently formed the protocol by talking only to battered women and suggest police ask the mother, and only the mother, if they should interview the children. Well what happens if the mother is the abuser? Think she’ll want the kids interviewed?
6 – To respond to or to act upon Dr. Phil’s “Calls to Action”
I would urge you to not respond to Dr. Phil’s “Calls to Action” unless Dr. Phil starts to recognize and show the same concern for male victims of domestic violence and their children as he clearly shows with his ongoing, biased offerings which support the same anti-male, anti-family agenda.
7 – Further my knowledge and understanding of domestic violence by reviewing Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship and Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship: An Exit Action Plan
While these suggestions are excellent, keep in mind that the intended audience is only women. Men – there are so few resources out there for you that some alternate plans may need to be arranged. However, at its root, the information may be helpful to you, even if almost all outside resources are only in place for female victims.
8 – Teach my sons to respect women and that strength is not defined by violence or domination
Another stark example of Dr. Phil’s “men only perpetrators, female only victim” mentality. How about we teach our daughters to respect men and that strength is not defined by violence or domination? Disgraceful, Dr. Phil.
9 – Teach my daughters self-esteem and self-worth
And again… Dr. Phil apparently doesn’t care about sons’ self-esteem and self-worth, which is strange because he actually has a son and is male himself.
10 – Support or donate to a women’s group or shelter
Don’t support or donate to any group or shelter that fails to show the same level of care and concern nor offer the same resources to victims of domestic violence regardless of gender. Our government already forces everyone to “donate” to women-only shelters and other domestic violence initiatives well in excess of four billion in tax dollars and almost none of those funds are used to help male victims of domestic violence nor their families. Donating more to such a boondoggle is throwing good money after bad. There is no oversight. There is no accountability. There hasn’t been a shred of proof that these billions in program funds has been even remotely effective. Your money is better spent donating it to groups and shelters that truly help domestic violence victims regardless of gender. As for donating to shelters which also help men and their families when they are terrorized by violent women – well there are only approximately 10 of those in the entire country. We’ll publicize those shelters very soon, too.
As you can see, Dr. Phil’s Domestic Violence Pledge is an abject failure on its face. It ignores the reality that there are violent and terrorizing women while also turning a blind eye to male victims of domestic violence and their children.
All of the rest of Dr. Phil’s requests for t-shirt purchases and donations only serve to help female victims of domestic violence and support for legislation that serves to expand an already exhaustive list of anti-male, anti-father legislation that continues to destroy our families and our society. The feminist machine that continues to generate wealth on such gross misinformation doesn’t need more money. They need less. They need to account for where and how that money is spent. They need to serve males and females equally. They need to prove effectiveness of their program before receiving any future funding from taxpayer dollars. They don’t need the continued propagation of myths that demonize men while ignoring violent women.
Learn about Domestic Violence Realities. #1 Reality – Woman are violent and commit domestic violence, too. #2 Reality – Men are victims of domestic violence at the hands of women.
Why are we so passionate about this subject? We’re tired of men being demonized and singled-out when it comes to discussions regarding domestic violence. Women and girls are violent and vicious. There are hundreds of youtube videos to demonstrate this. Approximately 1-million men report and/or seek treatment for injuries as victims of domestic violence at the hands of violent women. You want to talk about silence – when we talk about under-reporting of crimes, this is likely high on the list due to the expectations that a man should just deal with it. If 1-million are reporting, how many aren’t?
Men as victims in domestic violence situations are left with few choices and are afforded almost no help at all. As child custody coaches, we’re trying to help you navigate through your own situation which may include domestic violence – to protect fathers, mothers, and the children. Further, we’re pressing this issue in the hopes that driving these realities home will foster change in the laws and legislation that are already destroying families and marginalizing fathers from their children’s lives. These are the types of results of the underhanded tactics which accompany child custody situations. Violent mothers use the heavy-hand of domestic violence laws, mandatory arrest laws, and restraining order abuse that has become rampant in the aftermath of the VAWA legislation.
Choice 1 – Leave the abusive home. Of course, there are likely no shelters that would serve him. If he leaves, he’ll undoubtedly be forced to leave his children behind because most domestic violence programs won’t serve men and their children (even if you are an abused woman, most shelters won’t accept boys over the age of 12 because they can be abusers, you know, since all men are). The man must leave his children in the hands of an abuser who is well-protected by the law and society’s shocking belief, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that women simply do not perpetrate domestic violence. Women can only be victims.
Choice 2 – Stay in the abusive home. Of course, they’re left to silently endure the abuse at the hands of their terrorizing, violent intimate partner in the hopes that they can protect their children from their rage for as long as possible. They do this knowing that with a simple phone call, they will likely be arrested and carted away from their unprotected children anyway just on the mere accusation of a female abuser.
The Domestic Violence Industry has created this mess and continues to grow with the promotion of the same misguided efforts as Dr. Phil is doing with his program. Do your part to reverse these efforts and see to it that help is afforded to all victims of domestic violence equally and regardless of gender. The males you ultimately help may be males who you know and love very much. Clearly, that’s not Dr. Phil’s agenda. Dr. Phil’s agenda is protecting women only and ignoring a great many other victims of domestic violence. In that regard, Dr. Phil is disturbingly silent on domestic violence.
The violence against males is completely ignored. I am currently reading “Venus: The Dark Side” also titled “That Bitch” http://www.venusthedarkside.com and it is all about the perpetuation of women as the “victims” even while they are clearly the beaters.
It’s sad that we have all been taught that it’s OK for a woman to hit, punch, throw things at a male, and he has to stand there and take it “like a man.”
There are few, if any, shelters for men to escape. And even if they can get away, they often don’t for fear of losing their children. I think Dr. Phil should step it up and show both sides of this DV story.
I could not agree more about Dr. Phil. His show is all about ratings and catering to the stay at housewife and mother. He refuses to get proper education. Between reading your book, Amy Bakers book and my recently published book, Where Did I Go Wrong? How Did I Miss The Signs?, he would have gotten all the education he needs. For someone so educated, he really missed the ball on this one.
Having just watched the show, it was as anticipated. Not one word about the “power and control” that female perpetrators of domestic violence use. Not one word about the nearly 1-million men who report domestic violence victimization. Not one word or one dollar allocated for resources to aid male victims of domestic violence and their families.
It’s clearly only “half a crusade” because he couldn’t have been further from covering the entirety of the problem with Domestic Violence without having had not talked about it all. What a shame.
I understand your point of view however since I personally have never known a women who abuses her husband and children it’s not something I have witnessed or even heard of. Do I believe it is happening YES! Do I believe it is happening at the same rate as abuse toward women and children? NO I do not. My Father was an abuser and the man I married was abusive both emotionally and physically. When I called the police on him the physical abuse wained but the emotional cruelity became more severe.
I believe men use domestic violence to gain and keep control of the their victoms and once they see that it works its extreamly difficult to get them to stop. Abuse is a learned behavior and my children are abusive toward me emotionally and use many of the same tactics their Father used while we were married.
Male victoms may be out there but I’m sorry I just do not believe it is any where near as common as abuse toward women.
Don’t let the facts get in the way of what you choose to believe.
No disrespect to your personal account, but your personal account and those around you don’t represent the whole picture, which is the entire point of our position. You don’t have to look very far. Take some initiative and look beyond the same biased sources of information and find out the truth for yourself. I assure you, that 30% figure is an astounding number – and if you want to talk about an unreported epidemic – you must know that men are FAR less likely to report domestic violence for a variety of reasons – most of them having to do with ridicule, risk of arrest themselves, and the fact that they are so often disbelieved.
The bottom line is this – it’s not about who is abused more. It’s about the allocation of our federal tax dollars, which is not to be done according to gender – and generally isn’t – except for the domestic violence industry. That is against the law. Additionally, it’s about making shelters and resources available to all – equally.
Sitting ignorant of what is moreso a SILENT epidemic and just turning a blind eye to ALL domestic violence is completely unacceptable. That’s what you’re doing. That’s what far too many people in our society are doing. That’s clearly what Dr. Phil is doing. It’s definitely what most DV “hotlines” are doing. Ignoring male victims of domestic violence and their families. It’s a disgrace.
You can choose to be a part of the problem or be a part of the solution. However, going through life believing that woman are not violent and not controlling and not equally likely to initiate domestic violence is wrong. The truth is out there. Try to look somewhere other than an agenda-driven, anti-male, feminist panderer or organization.
No therapist would seriously suggest that men are not victims of domestic violence, BUT – and it’s a big but – there are nowhere near as many men attacked by their partners as there are female victims.
To quote your article – “This, despite the reality that over 100 current empirical studies have repeatedly shown that women are at least as likely, if not moreso, to initiate domestic violence against an intimate partner as men. Further, male victims of domestic violence at the hands of women currently account for more than one-third of all reported domestic violence injuries requiring treatment. Imagine the numbers of unreported male victims.”
HOW can this statement even be true? How can women be as likely, or moreso, to initiate DM, when they make up 2/3 of all reported victims? What, are they beating themselves up??
And if you are going to extrapolate the figures to build a greater case for men, then you very obviously need to do the same for the number of female victims.
One can’t help but feel that some men just don’t like women having a support network. If your issue was about raising awareness about male victims, you would have my respect – but to base your campaign on belittling and diminishing the honesty and experiences of women in general, means that you are doing no more than trying to oppress any woman who is strong enough to realise that she should not accept abuse from her spouse and reaches out for help.
Violence towards anyone is unacceptable but lets not suggest that men aren’t the main perpetrators of any violent crime such as rape, murder, pedophilia and domestic abuse. You can’t dismiss these facts by playing around with the numbers, or by accusing others of that which you are more guilty of yourselves (from a gender point of view).
Nowhere does our article diminish or belittle female victims of domestic violence, so please try to make salient points without accusing us of something that we simply didn’t do. You also do what most women who protest the facts do – bring red herring arguments to the debate.
The statement is true based up all of those studies done that interview and assess both men and women perpetrators and relationship problems. Read some of them. Women are just as likely to initiate domestic violence. Obviously, they make up 2/3s of the reportable injuries due to usual differences in size when things escalate, particularly when the domestic violence is mutual.
Rather than just accept the usual propaganda you clearly get from women’s groups who facilitate the “women as victim, men as perpetrator” mantra, we suggest you educate yourself on the real truths behind domestic violence, who starts it, who is more likely to report it, who has support systems in place and who is less likely to be believed when they do try to make reports.
The facts are simple – men are just as likely to be attacked by women as the reverse. Women are more likely to be hurt as a result of domestic violence.
If you’re going to dispute these facts, come to the table with reputable information, not just rhetoric.